To DINK or to SINK
Lately I have been following a momfluencer on Instagram, a young mother who shares snippets of her daily life with her 18month chonky cute little toddler. Gosh his wits and smartness for that age, woos me everytime.
I will turn 29 soon, I am still unemployed, with a significant student loan to pay off in the coming years which will also take away my prime fertile years. I have no partner, there is no hope of finding one sooner either. My life for the forseeable future will be SINK. Single income no kids. I came up with SINK after I read about the rise of DINK households, Double income no kids.
While DINKs show the liberty of designing one’s life without societal pressures, living their best life in the current economy, it is also agreeable that it is not wise to bring in a child to the world while we are still grappling with the idea of settling down, with an impending fear of climate crisis, where the cost of living is going through the roof ,tuition costs are exorbitant, health care is unaffordable.(Freezing eggs is a costly affair too)
In my delulu phase I always thought I will get married by 25 and have a child by 28. Not because anyone told me to, but because I wanted to. I wanted to start my own family, I loved the idea of it. I still do, albiet the circumstances changed wildly. Now I need to think about choosing a man with the health of a horse to compensate for my faulty genes. A partner who makes 2x the money I make if we are to afford a child and a decent life for ourselves without sacrificing way too many things, like my parents did for me.
Keeping all the repercussions aside, in an ideal world, how do people really feel deep inside about having a child? Is it just one way of extending the family line, is it to satisfy your parents by making them grandparents, is it to have someone to take care of you in your old age? Or is it purely a biological urge. I remember how my maternal instincts kicked in when I picked up my friends’ dog for the first time. I know how instantly my mood elevates when I see a child giggling.
Can this act of producing offspring be more about a societal cause.In one of my case studies in MBA, I was surprised to learn that the reason people in Bangladesh don’t use birth control measures is because they want more children/more sons, so that they can have atleast one son to care for them in their old age, if they lose one more in a calamity like floods. India is proud to flaunt its young population despite the unemployement and lack of resources. North Korean president is asking the women to bear more children, while South Koreans are worried about the fall in fertility rates.Japan is concerned about the declining birth rate. (All of this happening while American catholic bunch believes in producing a bunch of kids till their womb gives up).
It is disheartening to see that having a child now is a distant dream/nightmare for women, to keep up with their careers, while managing a household, to climb up the corporate ladder without losing opportunities because of maternity leave, to live in the fear of not being able to provide for the child that live upto the societal standards.
Nordics countries did a phenomenal job in providing the best child care benefits and leave policies for the parents. Perhaps more countries could flourish if they bring in better worklife balance and amicable public policies in place.
I don’t want this to sound like another case study, but I still wonder what is a strong driver for having a child. I don’t know if I could ever be a parent, too soon to tell, but I wish people don’t have children to distribute their wealth or continue the family name. I wish it was more about indulging in the experience of bringing in a life to experience the joy of the world, to show what it is to be human, to touch the grass, to chase a butterfly, to embrace a warm hug and the many wonders the world has given us. To nurture a child to turn them into the most kind and compassionate human being, to find joy in their little achievements, and to be proud for only one thing at the end, that you believed in yourself, and you brought in a soul that would be as good as you or even better than you — who can make the world a better place long after your soul left for a world beyond.
